I spent much of today gazing around my living room today and taking in the Christmas decorations.
And felt sad that soon they will be coming down and packed away.
My husband asked how Christmas was for me this year and to be honest, I was speechless.
You see, I feel like Christmas kind of passed me by.
The kids were sick for a few weeks, the tragedy at Newtown, Connecticut happened, we didn't bake Christmas cookies, we didn't cut down a Christmas tree, or take the kids to sit on Santa's lap, or look at Christmas lights, we spent Christmas away from my family this year, my husband and I hosted a huge gathering for my mom's side of the family that was so special to host but I spent most of the day in a tail-spin and couldn't believe it was over when it was and New Year's Eve turned out very different than I had hoped.
I feel a bit melancholy going into the New Year. I feel like I had so many plans for 2012.
And most didn't get done.
I am not ready for 2013.
And than I read this post by Ann Voscamp.
“Well…. do I tell you that 2012 was the year I didn’t lose 10 pounds, forgot every morning for. a. year. to exercise, didn’t finish reading the Bible, failed to write what I really wanted, never got the basement backroom gutted, rammed about in the same ruts on rinse and repeat, only read half as many books to the kids as I’d planned, and missed living up to what I’d named this year?”
Regardless of how shiny any life looks like from the outside, the honest and the Lord look on the bare heart.
We all are failures — at least the honest of us are.
That dog could be barking at a lot more than imagined shadows out there.
How in the world do you step hopeful into the next year when you tripped messy through the last year? How do you stand brave with all the smiling rest and ring in the new year when the old year still feels a bit like a millstone around the neck? What if everyone else is making New Year’s resolutions and you just want New You solutions?" Ann Voscamp.
And it really hit me hard. I really "tripped messy through the last year" in many ways.
I ordered Ann's book, One Thousand Gifts a few weeks ago and have been planning on reading it because the idea of keeping track of blessings has been ringing so true for me. Today, I received a confirmation that this was part of God's plan for me.
Out of the blue I received an email from a dear woman at my parish about the upcoming Mother's Retreat at my beloved Catholic parish. The theme of the retreat is taken from Ann Voscamp's book.
And I am blown away. And hopeful.
So I say goodbye to 2012. Its hopes, dreams, tears, fears, memories remembered, and those forgotten. And I tentatively say hello to 2013.
